What “gets you off”?
Almost anyone that has known me for awhile could answer this question. It is one of the very transparent parts about me, and is usually the first item that I am asked about at the beginning of a conversation. “So, how is _________ coming along?”
I love projects. LOVE them. A good project for me is one that involves learning, thinking, hands on work, and hopefully a profit at the end. If I have a good project going, I feel quite calmer, yet excited with the adventure that I am on. If I become bored with a project, or let too much time lapse between projects, my whole being seems to kinda get kicked off axis. I have rebuilt a classic car, competitively raced remote control cars and karts, remodeled houses, and most recently brought a neglected sailboat back to her former glory.
A project for me is typically a multi step process. It usually takes awhile for me to decide what it is that I want to undertake. Once that decision is made, then the fun begins, its research time!
I love researching. Give me a topic, and let me run. So once I decided that a sailboat would be a wonderful project and activity to learn about, it was game on. I first studied all the different boat styles, until I found what I thought would be the best fit for me. The next step was hunting down the right deal. This is one of the easiest parts since it is what I do for a living, hunting the deal.
Once the boat was procured, it was on to finding out what needed to be done on the boat and then researching every part to determine what was the best one for the application. Of course there were hours and hours of actual work done on the boat, which I quite enjoied for the most part. At this point, I had a great boat that I had no idea how to sail, so back to the books and learning everything I could about how to sail. A short time later, it was mission accomplished. Finally, we have reached the end of the project and the boat is complete.
When a project is complete and the goal that I set for myself has been met, that is when I become stir crazy again. The hamster is just running around the cage, without a wheel to run on. That time is now, so it is now time for me to let go of the boat and move onto the next project.
Luckily I already have a great idea for the next project and hopefully this time next year I can tell you all how wonderful that experience has been!
What is your definition of success?
The moment has finally come! I have to come forth and let everyone know that I am clueless about something and I do not have the answer.
Let me explain… From a very young age I had life planned out. Graduate college, get married, buy a house, have kids. Yup, that’s the plan, and the quality of life that I was able to provide for my new family would be the measure of my success. That is, it was the plan, up until my divorce.
I now find myself in a place where I am battling this 20 year old plan, that at this point in time, does not appear to be coming together. Honestly, I don’t know that I even want that same plan any more. Nor do I know at what point I would consider myself successful.
It is easy to look at a great deal of people in the world and say they are successful, CEOs, famous actors or TV personalities, sports figures, etc. and for the most part they have had financial success and success in their personal achievements. I’m pretty sure that I am not going to play in the NFL, star on the silver screen, nor will I be running a Fortune 500 company in this lifetime, but I do know that I can still be successful. The definition of that is what is important.
So I start thinking, what defines success? Is it a number in a bank account, having nice possessions, having meaningful relationships, or having the freedom to just do as you please?
From the time that I have spent with my marina friends (whom are not your typical 9-5 desk job people), I have met some people that are amazingly happy with their life, and yet they have next to nothing for possessions or money. So that rules out that a big bank account or a giant house on the hill defines success.
I am also aware that many successful sports figures or entertainers live a very busy lifestyle. Take the life of a NASCAR driver. They have to go to a team meeting, workout, fly to a promotional event for sponsor #1, fly to the track for practise, fly to a advertisement shoot for sponsor #2, make a TV appearance, and on, and on, and on. From February to November, almost every day is planned out for them and they are shuttled from activity to activity, without much personal freedom to do as they choose. Yet they are considered successful.
After pondering this topic while writing, I will offer up my current thought: Success is being happy with your life. Rather you are a poor sailor on a run down boat, or a high profile NASCAR driver on the top of the popularity charts, ultimately the feeling of being personally satisfied and happy is what counts. So now it’s time to get happy!
I grew up with what I think is a great childhood in most every way. I had (and still have) loving parents, and two wonderful sisters. My mother encouraged me to explore and play outside, often times kicking me out of the house after school and telling me not to come back until the street lights were coming on. It was during this time that I rode my bike for hours, traveling anywhere my friends and I could go that was within our loosely set boundary lines.
To me, at that time, I had a ton of freedom and could do anything that I wanted to do. Climb a giant Magnolia tree all the way to the top, no problem. Ride a bike as fast as you can towards a tree root that will launch you over the creek, sure. Walk around door to door trying to get a lawn mowing business going, of course!
Now in my early thirties, I find my self pausing and wondering how I even did these things. Now, I would second guess all of these decisions and think more about the consequences of failure than the sheer victory of success. Granted, I have gained other abilities. I can drive at speed through the construction zones and curvy roads running through downtown Jacksonville with out fear, but what happened to the old me? What happened to simply being concerned about being able to make the jump, get to the top of the tree, or not being concerned if my lawn mowing business would make any money?
What I miss about my childhood was the ability to feel like I could do anything. I had not experienced depression. I’d never felt the horror of a panic attack. I didn’t know anything about financial stress. All of these negative experiences are ones that most people come upon later in life. These negative experiences often times leave mental and emotional scars that take a great deal to overcome.
On the plus side, I did not have a harsh childhood like so many have had. I was able to grow up with a lot of freedom and positive influence. Now that I am older and have realized that I have some scars, I realize that I am not the person that I used to be, and I realize that I want to be that person once again. I guess now, I just need to work harder to make that happen. I need to break free from the negative thoughts that keep me from being as adventurous and outgoing as I once was, after all, you are only as old as you act.
What I am thankful for!
Those of you that have been following my blogging over the past few weeks know that I am part of the Random Writers, where we each address the weekly topic in our blogs. This week is a bit different. Each of the Random Writers are very excited to be taking part in a blog about what we are thankful for, in honor of epicthanks.org. Please take a moment to check out epicthanks.org and if you are able, please donate a few dollars to their cause.
Two years ago, my life was cruising along great. I had lots of great things happening which included buying a new house. One afternoon, my wife at the time decided that we really, really, really needed a dog. I wasn’t very excited about the prospect of having another animal in the house, but I went along with it, and a week later we rescued a one year old Catahoula Leopard Hound off of the list that Craig built.
One week after the dog came to our house, we had settled on Dr. Seuss as the name for our new house mate. Seuss had all the typical signs of neglect and abuse including wounds, mites, fleas, and he was pretty malnourished. He was very shy and timid, but he was very snuggly and affectionate, most likely because he had never been cared for and was abused. It did not take long for Seuss to warm up to me and it was soon clear that he was my dog. Three months after he came into the house, I would realize how important he truly was.
My wife and I agreed to get a divorce.
I grew up in a house with both of my parents and two sisters, so I had never really been alone before. But now here I was, merely months after buying a great 3 bedroom house to start our family in, and I found myself in a totally unfamiliar place, alone. Completely alone.
For several weeks, as I laid down at night, I held tight to Seuss, with tears dripping from my cheeks, to fall onto his soft coat. At times his neck would be wet with my tears, so I would look up and apologize to him, but the look on his face made it clear that he didn’t mind at all, and he would gently lick the tears from my face.
As I slowly adjusted to my new life, I began to realize something. The relationship that Seuss and I had was a bit different than most pet owners have. I did not just save him, but he saved me, and I know that we were put together just for that reason, to save each other.
In honor of the EpicThanks event this week, I would like to thank you, Dr. Seuss. Thank you for being this mans best friend!
Let me tell you bout a story bout a man named Ned.
A poor country boy who barely kept his family fed.
But then one day he got an insurance license.
And his name was not Ned, but Wayne.
Webster’s dictionary has several definitions for the word “hero”:
1 a : a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability
b : an illustrious warrior
c : a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities
d : one who shows great courage
2 a : the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work
b : the central figure in an event, period, or movement
Wayne would fit the bill as a 1c type of hero to me.
I met Wayne while I was in my early years of college, still not knowing exactly what I wanted to do. Wayne and I met each other when we were frequenting a certain drinking establishment for a period of time. I shared with him my dislike for the company that I was working for and his immediate response was to invite me to come work for him. He knew nothing about me and I knew nothing about him, other than my sensing that he was a good person.
Wayne owned an independent insurance agency that specialized in commercial insurance for businesses. During my time there, we became very close friends. As I learned about Wayne, I really found myself thinking about a much bigger picture than just working for a major corporation and climbing the corporate ladder. I was going to skip the ladder altogether.
When Wayne was young, he was living in a trailer with his girlfriend when he made his move and went into the insurance business. He slowly developed his list of clients and eventually struck out on his own and started his own agency, which is now the largest agency in the area. His good fortune and hard work has enabled him to live a wonderful lifestyle and also to help a great deal of people that are in need. All those politicians complaining that our government policies make it impossible for small business growth and for small businesses to create jobs, should sit down and have a chat with Wayne. He made it happen.
If a hero can be described as someone who is admired for their achievements, then Wayne is one of my personal heroes. It was Wayne’s story and his support that has always kept me thinking about starting my own business, and it’s been his story that has inspired me to believe that I can build a successful company, too.
While I have not made that step yet, I know that I will at some point in my life. Thank you, Wayne, for setting the bar for me!
I have been having a conversation with myself for the past ten minutes about how to answer this question.
Okay Jeff, how are you going to answer this question with out coming off as a ranting liberal lunatic or some conservative pro military nut job? After all, whenever the topic of discussion comes to the military, you can only fit into one of the two categories, right?
If you want to stop fighting senseless wars and bring the troops home to secure our borders, then you are totally letting all the terrorists take over the world and in any minute they could attack our country again. If you support the troops going into an impoverished country in an attempt to provide aid and assistance to the people, then you obviously don’t realize that there are poor and hungry in our own country that need help. If you feel that we should get involved in ending the piracy of ships off the coast of Somalia, then I’m sure someone will give you the “Yeah, but we are not the worlds police” response.
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like our country is more divided than it has ever been on many of the big issues that we face as a nation. I’m sure that all the talking heads with their extreme viewpoints are not helping to bring the nation together as a whole.
I guess my answer to the question of what change would I like to see, would be to have the people of this country come together, to have the majority put aside their petty differences and determine what this country needs to do to become great once again. Obviously this directly involves the military.
If you look at all of the money spent on militia around the world, we account for 42% of the money with China coming in second at 7%. With so much of our tax dollars going to our millitairy, I would love the see the military working for the people, and not for some politically based, underhanded government objective.
If the people want our armed forces to go on an aid mission, then they should go on an aid mission. If the people want our forces to bring some resolution to the Mexican drug war, then they should go help out with that situation. If we need them for disaster relief after a tornado or hurricane, they should be there. I would like for our military to be more at one with the people. Let’s have national polls and votes to help determine the direction of the country and what our military does.
With all that we have invested, let’s really make it count.
Counseling, it is not just for crazy people, but it can keep you from going crazy, at least, that’s how I like to look at it. And it has really helped me to learn to define this exact question and identify the problems and attempt to create solutions.
Now I am not going to turn this into a dear diary post by any means. They are my issues and I have to deal with them, but I can share some tidbits and viewpoints.
Gil mentioned in his blog post yesterday that most people start out the year trying to achieve X, Y, and Z. But there is usually some reason why you don’t get around to doing X, Y, or Z. I also fall into that category. I have been wanting to cut back my drinking, quit smoking, and start exercising, with a few other personal goals added, FOR YEARS. I have been dwelling over this and beating myself up for not doing it for at least 3 years now. I have come close and even made attempts at making these changes, but I quickly lost motivation and comfortably slid back into my old habits like an old pair of jeans (assuming the jeans still fit).
The question that keeps coming to my mind is “Jeff, why the hell do you keep doing this? You know the change is for the better”. Besides the fact that I am an idiot from time to time, I really do not know why I keep doing the things that I don’t want to do and don’t do the things that I do want to do. I do know that it feels like I have built my own personal prison, complete with all of the reasons that Greg Hartle discussed in his guest post a few weeks back.
The answer may not be clear to me at this point, but I have realized one thing. The answer is very complicated, yet it becomes simple.
Try this: List 5 things that you have been wanting to change. They may not have anything to do with each other, then again they may have an obvious correlation. Let’s dig into this a bit. Let’s just take the common changes that most people want to make. Aside from the fact that dieting, not eating fast food anymore, quitting smoking or drinking, working out, changing your crappy job, making a budget to control your spending or lowering your stress level are difficult to undertake, what is the real reason that you don’t do it? They are no harder than anything else that you have to do. Put away the “I’m Lazy” card, just look at all the other things you have done recently!
The first question is will it make you a better person- of course. So why do you NOT want to be a better person? That is the real behind the scenes question. As Gil mentioned, fear is a major part of it, but I don’t think it stops there. Maybe it is as simple as this- Making the changes that you want to make, will not bring you the life that you REALLY want. Let that soak in.
So what is the real problem? Bad relationship with a parent? You are single and have not had a good dating prospect in awhile? Your spouse or significant other would still not be the right person? All those changes are not going to make your career any better? Your ex-whatever is has some of the pieces of your broken heart? Do you not have enough positive social interaction in your life?
I have realized that the reason that I have not made the changes, that I have so strongly desired to make over the past few years, has nothing to do with being lazy or that they are hard. I have conquered plenty of hard things over the past few years. The laundry list of things that I have knocked out, proves to me that I am not lazy (per my counselor!). I have for some reason built my own personal prison based on these things.
But this is not dear diary….
Who would you give a second chance to?
This week’s blog topic is “Who would you give a second chance to?”
First and foremost, in case you missed Lee’s amazing post about her experience, please take the time to read it. It is an amazing story to read and really puts this question into light. I am humbled to even be part of this group with someone that has the grace and compassion that Lee does.
So, now on to my blatherings about this deep question. I have been pondering this question for two days now. I can honestly say that I can not come up with anyone that I have black listed that I would give a second chance to. I actually can not come up with anyone that I have black listed that really ever had a significant place in my life, to where I would ever desire them to be welcomed in again for any reason.
There is someone that I need to give a second chance to though.
There is someone that I am very close with and know almost everything about. He has had a hard time over the past few years and has not been the happiest of fellows. I know he has not been living the lifestyle that he would like to. Sometimes I talk to him and I just wonder what the hell he is doing and what the hell is going through his head. I know that he is very intelligent and could do some great things with his life and he has expressed some of those ideas. If he just got his act together, and took a few steps, he could really make some shit happen! I really believe in him, but he just needs someone special to give him a chance.
Since he went through a rough period of his life, he has really seemed to be numb to what is happening around him. Just going through the motions of day to day activity. There are days that he seems to really be on top of things, but others he is just cruising along. I know he keeps up with his bills, his chores, and his job, but at times it seems like he is barely hanging on. For some reason, most others think he is really doing great, but I guess he does not see it that way. It boggles me as to how these others are not able to see what is really going on, but I guess one can chalk that up to perspective.
Yet I think he can turn things around. I know he can if one person believes in him and gives him a second chance in his life.
That person to give him a second chance is ME.
The person that I need to give a second chance to is ME.
Oh my! Where do I even begin to answer this question?
The only truthful answer I can come up with is- EVERYTHING.
Now the question is, how to explain my answer. I am not a flip-flopper, it is not like that. I am passionate. Those of you that read my valentines writing will understand that. For others, please let me explain.
When I decide to do something, I typically jump in with both feet and give it my 100% best effort. Be it a relationship, a hobby, a project, or just household chores. Whatever grabs my attention at the time, typically grabs 100% of my interest.
Hobbies, be it surfing, exorcising, home improvement, kart racing, or my newest love, sailing, get this 100% type of attention and passionate drive. Nothing will stand in my way. I will voraciously read for weeks on end to learn and study my passion, which typically leads up to very successful times with the activity. But here is the kicker… I get bored.
I was invited to go to the local kart racing track to check out the action one afternoon with me brother-in-law. This was not your normal kart racing track where you pay your $25 and ride around in 5 horsepower karts with barriers all around them cruising around at 15 mph while banging into each other and off the walls. These were high powered karts on a tiny dirt oval running 45 mph! I was hooked. Someone was kind enough to extend an offer to me to let me take his kart out on the track and run some practise laps after the race. To everyones surprise, I declined. I did not need to go drive his kart, I was going to have my own set up before the next race, which was merely two weeks away.
Over the next two weeks I set up my race team. Kart, trailer, generator, tires, engines, spare tires and engines, I acquired it all. When I was not busy tracking down parts, I was studying how to set up karts. $7,000 later (with by no means the best equipment), I was heading to the track. I was scared to death and completely nervous as I headed out to practise with the group of 10 other racers that were in my class. I quickly grew accustomed to the karts setup and feel, which led me to qualifying in the top 5 and finishing 2nd in my first race. I won the second race that I ran, along with several others, and ended up winning the championship for the season even though I did not compete in the first race.
Needless to say I was passionate about kart racing, Yet as the doldrums of winter rolled through, I found myself thinking about the upcoming season quite a bit. I seriously had no interest in running the kart the next year. I did exactly what I had set out to do. I wanted to be competitive and see if I could win races. I did. Quite often too. But I was done. The passion was no longer there. Shortly after making this decision, I sold all my karting equipment, but I still have the pictures and the great memories.
I have similar stories for several other times in my life. My passion seems to be ever changing, as I crave a new challenge and decipher how to accomplish my goal. This is why I feel that my life is exciting.
I feel vibrant when I set off on a new challenge. I feel great accomplishment while working towards towards my new goal. I feel satisfaction when I know that I poured all of my capabilities into my quest, and I have conquered.
So what fuels you? What challenge do you have on the horizon that you want to work towards? Are you ready to give it 100%?
When the Random Writers sat down collectively and were throwing out ideas, I don’t remember who threw this question out. It is a good one, but I think this might be the hardest one for me to answer. I guess there are really two different things that come to my mind off the bat. One is the simple answer of “I can do it”.
Once upon a time I bought a little condo, right at the peak of the housing market. It wasn’t much, but it was my first home and the first time that I was not living under my parents roof. Most of you can identify that under these circumstances, a shoe box sparsely outfitted with some bean bag chairs and a little TV on the ground seems just perfect. Having silverware is a bonus. After awhile, this was not enough. I started to remodel the little condo. Starting in the bathroom, I ripped everything out. Everything. Just some studs on the wall, and a concrete floor with just a few holes for plumbing running through the floor.
My wife at the time was freaking out. I was even a bit concerned. However my Mom walked in, noticed the destruction and the look in my wife’s eyes and simply stated, “Don’t worry. Jeff can do it. He can do anything”. That has pretty much been the truth in my life. If I decide I want to do something and I have enough ambition to begin the project, I know that I can do it.
This mantra came into full effect over the past weekend, but I also learned another important lesson. I live on the coast of Florida in a house which is a mile away from the marina where my sailboat is moored. What was to be a small two day rain shower with 15-20 mph winds, turned into a 60 hour serious storm with periods of 50 mph sustained winds and gusts to 70 mph. My sailboat at the marina was in serious peril.
While most boat owners were relaxing in front of the TV watching football, a few of us more adventurous ones decided to hold down the fort. Pumping out sinking boats, retying dock lines as the water rose and fell, and enjoying the moments of “Holy crap, did you see that!” that followed. There were, however, a few incidents that overshadowed the stormy weekend.
Eric is a marina resident, (he lives on his boat, while alas, I do not) that I have become close friends with. He currently has four boats in the marina. His personal fleet consists of a 12’ john boat, a 20’ sailboat, a 36’ powerboat (where he his wife and their two young daughter live), and a 56’ behemoth which is an ex British military boat that was converted into a live-a-board yacht (which has been undergoing remodel and they were to move into this weekend). Needless to say, he needed help. We had to be a team.
The first major challenge came late on Saturday night. The winds were a constant 20 mph for a few hours, which stretched out the dock lines on the 50,000 lb 56’ yacht (we had all moved onto this boat since it was the most stable and did not resemble Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride), causing it to rub on a piling that supported the dock. It wasn’t long before I found “stick”. “Stick” as it became lovingly referred to, was a perfect 2×4, which I jambed between the giant boat and the dock and then used to wedge the 50,000 lb boat off the dock while Eric retied the dock line. Smoothly and efficiently we did this several times until we were safely off the dock. We would soon find out that our first team work effort would be put to the test a few hours later.
When the sun rose and the marina members awoke from a restless four hours of sleep, one by one we looked at the radar and listened to the predictions. It soon became obvious, the weather was about to get worse. A lot worse.
Eric and I decided that we needed to do something about his other boat, the 36’ powerboat that was docked next to mine, right in front of the mouth of the marina. Simply put, the worst place to be. A plan was developed and moments later we were in the 12 foot dinghy, facing 30 mph winds and 1-2 foot waves, taking an anchor out, dropping in in a rock pile, attaching the other end of the line to the boat, and then retreating back into the safety of the dock. No problem. Then the wind picked up. Off we went to secure another line to the boat, this time with 40 mph winds and solid 2 ft waves, which upon the return we both noted that it was quite a “sporty” ride. A congratulatory beer was in order!
So, here I am, on a 56’ yacht with the wind blowing a constant 35, gusting to 45, having a beer, when I decide to look at the radar again. My face must have told the story, as the only response from Eric was “what is it”? “It” was the fact that the storm was starting to rotate and the lovely red part on the radar was making a bee-line for us. It was going to get worse. Much worse.
All it took was a look at each other and we knew what was happening. With out speaking, Eric ran to grab a larger anchor, and I ran to get a line for the anchor. Now in the dinghy with 50 mph winds and 3 foot waves, we were at it again. Waves were crashing over the bow sending blinding and stinging spray into our faces and nearly throwing us out of the little boat. It took us just one attempt to get the anchor exactly where we wanted it. Thankfully others noticed we were going back out and a few of them ran to Eric’s boat to grab the loose end of the line and tie the boat off when I threw the line at them, at which point we turned around and hauled ass back to the dock. Mission successful.
Six hours later, all was well, and the river was as still as a country pond.
While I hope you enjoyed the story, I rambled for ever to say this: I really learned the importance of team work this weekend.. Had the 36’ powerboat broken loose from its’ precarious position at the end of the dock, it would have blown straight into another dock, potentially taking out another 20 boats with it. We both were putting ourselves at great risk, in order to save Eric’s family home and the homes of several other people. Yet I never doubted my safety when I was with Eric and he never doubted his when he was with me. Teamwork saved this little community. Teamwork brought us closer. I’ve always known I was capable, but this weekend learned about real teamwork.